Monday, June 13, 2011

Psychotic Soaper

Before I go any farther I need help finding someone. I'd like to do a general search before calling the authorities. You see, I've lost (Jeez, this is so embarrassing) one of my followers. There I said it. I don't know if it was something I said (most likely) or maybe a photo I posted, but one day I had 60 followers and the next day it was 59.

If I were a self actualized blogger who wrote purely for the intrinsic value this would not bother me, but truth is I am shallow, weak and insecure and the loss of this one follower makes me feel all wobbly inside. How will I carry on ?

Like this; so I have this huge soaping problem. HUGE. I cannot settle on any one recipe. After soaping for 7 months I am still experimenting. I cannot commit to just one recipe, one set of fixed oils, for my bars. Instead I am all over Soapville.

My first (and last ?) salt soap. Don't know what happened. I swallowed
all the directions exactly.
I make cold process, I make hot process. Last night I combined the two. Is that even legal ?!?! I did hot process on top and cold on the bottom. But then I started to fret. What if cold wanted to be on the bottom ? I did not even slow down enough to ask.

With CP on top and HP on bottom, I was very excited when I seemed
to get the frosting topping looking pretty good.
Then I remembered I forgot to scent that part. Two out of three
ain't bad you Meatloaf.
 I use organic ingredients and natural ingredients (dirt is natural right ? ) I use essential oils , because you essentially have to be a millionaire to afford them) and I use fragrance oils. Yes I am aware that fragrance oils are made by toddlers in the country of Babalinka who work  for just three euros a day but I can't help it, I love the smells !  I use pure ingredients like pink clay to color my soaps most of the time but once, please don't tell the purist police, I did use a pink crayon. I know, I know, Just beat me but it wasn't really my fault anyway. I was coloring my kitchen cabinets and it sorta just fell into my hot oils. Normally I use paint to touch up cabinets but after spending all my money on EO's I had to use crayons.

See those gaps between the layers ? After making this lavender soap
I learned you should SPRAY alcohol between the layers instead of
SIPPING  alcohol between the layers. Details. Details.

And don't even get me started on oils. Too late. I've gone the unrefined Shea Butter from Free Trade Africa route all the way to...Canned Crisco from pay for trade grocery store employees. Yes I am aware of the evilness of this action but I had to try it.One nice HARD bar and great lather but I smelled like McDonald Fries when I got out of the shower. After that I went back to the Lard from our pigs. Really turned out to be a fantastic soap ingredient. Hard white bar with creamy lather and it felt good to use as many parts of the hogs that we butcher as we can instead of wasting so much of it.

 I blame all you other professional soapers out there. You know who you are with your Dublinesque glitter tops , your perfect spoon swirls, your gorgeous hand made wooden market stands, your 296 layers of colors in one 3.75 oz bar, not to mention your one night stands with Mr B.Berry all in the name of "research." One of you even thought it would be a good idea to start a  little Flickr group so I could drool over thousands of soap bars far better than mine. Thanks a lot you sadist you.

This soap was made with certified organic lard, raw cows milk
and ALGAE. Spirulina is a corkscrew shaped alga whose
dried powdered stems make a great soap colorant. This bar sold
out quickly at The farmers Market. I called it Boot Camp Soap.

I just feel I have to keep trying all these good, bad, ugly green things so I can really be satisfied when I finally settle down. I mean did YOU Marry the first guy you ever dated ? Oh....sorry.

One habit I have been very consistent about is my labeling. Whatever is in the soap goes on my label which turned out to be the best equalizer of all. If I am not proud of my ingredients then I better not be selling the soaps made with the funky stuff. So I didn't. All the bad soaps got made into Donkey washing soap, laundry soap or liquid dish soap. Which might explain why we have pink crayon tinged plates and undies.

Tea tree and peppermint CP soap. Smelled great, looked great
until the heat from the gel phase burned some of the
Peppermint leaves making it look like garlic bread.
 So I continue on with this new less than perfect love of mine. Trying to keep the bubbles out, the moisture in , the scent pleasant, the gel phase uniform,  I  will venture forth until I can commit to a recipe I can be proud of. One that ideally won't include a pound and 1/2 of sea salt. Maybe I should try that pond salt recipe instead.

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@Productbody is giving away $75 in handmade soap + body products. Enter via FB Like and/or tweet. Details:


  1. You kill me. Seriously.

    I had someone leave me once after I posted about milking sheep. Maybe they think it's animal cruelty or something. Maybe they're from the city and they're stupid. I'm from the city, but I know where the hell my food comes from. I made a giveaway out of it and gained more followers instead.

    I just found out that the town I'm in doesn't allow chickens. You can look at my soap pictures and I can gawk over your chicken pictures. In the end though, I think you win.

  2. Thanks Briny Bar, From you thats means tons. How ya liking life in the West ? I lived in SD for 10 years and miss those Black Hills. Don't miss the rattlers though.

    The lard soap is amazing. I love how it gets hard so fast and cure time is shorter. Like it was MEANT to be soap. We feed our hogs (all out on pasture year round) all organic feed and organic milk. It seems to really make a high quality lard.

  3. Those soaps look good enough to eat!

  4. Your soaps are absolutely gorgeous. I can see how you get addicted to making them. No more crayons though, okay?

  5. NO MBJ, No more crayons, I promise. From now on I'm going to get my pink color from the blush of the evening sun. Natural all the way baby.

  6. Well I'll just head on over to google and see if I can follow twice to boost your count numbers again~ or maybe I can pay my sister to follow just so you can smile again:)) Imagine that~ people with real lives and no time to lurk around reading desperate farm wive's blogs .....

    Your soaps are beautiful! You make me want to go mix up a few batches!

  7. Oh my gosh~it's not everyday that my family wakes up to me laughing...before coffee! The soaps are beautiful and a couple of them made me hungry!?! :)

    I've lost a couple of followers too~My Mister says I was just weeding out the ones without a sense of humor! Love your blog!

  8. Hey Kim, I just added a follower to your blog as I checked you out and you seem to be my kind of country goofball ! Thanks for following me.

  9. Crazy farm,
    Yes go soap. Make lots of soap. Its very "cleansing" Sorry. And how much would your sister charge to follow me ? I have T-shirts you know :)

  10. Well Donna, I LOVE it that you're all over the soap pot. They look good enough to eat...some look like a salad, dessert!, you know they're fabulous because you MADE them. Wonderful.

    I get it about too much land to care for. We moved from a large lot (california large, not Illinois large) to this small, walled garden...about 1/4 acre, and it keeps me BUSY.


    Sharon Lovejoy WRites from Sunflower House and a Little Green Island

  11. Blog hopped here from Ms Terri @ OurCrazyFarm.. Read through the first set of blogs post and had to read some out loud to my girls!lol Nice spin Good luck on your Downsizing!! A friend saw a Craigslist ad for a HALF of a double wide trailer.. We all spent a good 3 hours back and forth on Facegbook trying to figure out what just half.. I was convinced some one was downsizing and was detaching the useless half of the trailer!Lol
    I have had followers come and go. But I seem to be holding steady till this morning I lost one.. Happens occasionally.. I look forward to reading your blog!

  12. "I did hot process on top and cold on the bottom."

    Probably one of the hottest sentences ever written.


  13. Well anonymous, Its like I always say. You say potato and I say Hot Process.

  14. Your soap looks good enough to eat :)

  15. For $20 (or a Free T-Shirt) I'll do about anything! ha-ha!

    Terri's Sister #1

  16. Love your writing, Donna! Too funny :)
    Hey, it took me 8years of soaping to settle down on one recipe I like. Which doesn't mean I still experiment..that is the whole fun part about soaping. To become a really good soaper you need to play around a lot. Not kidding. You're doing fine, girl, keep experimenting. And keep it simple, yanno? I also wasted lots of money on fancy ingredients just to come to the conclusion that simple, truly simple is best. Learn the chemical make up of oils and you'll see that you don't need to use expensive super fatters to make a great soap that pampers and lathers like a car wash. btw..salt soaps are sooooooooo overrated ;)

  17. Donna, Don't know how I missed this post??? I looooooove this post. You are wonderful and hillarious and full of life and adventure. I love your soap-making experiments. Looking great by the way. Love the rustic look of your soaps. I agree with Cocobong. Simple is best. I think if you have true natural pigs lard available, and it works well for you, why waste money on something you need to import from Africa?!? Keep the posts coming!! xoxo Jen

  18. Again thanks for all the fab comments. I have resigned from my farming job so I can read all YOUR blogs now. Jen, if you say simple, I am going simple. Pig fat all the way. Cocobong...having you make a comment on my blog is like ...well...having COCOBONG make a comment on my blog. I promise to keep it simple as soon as I use up all my Aligator Teeth Essential Oil. Turned the soap a lovely green but the bits of rotted fish were more exfoliative than I wanted.

  19. One more thing. I continue to have trouble leaving comments on some of your blogs. Jen and Sharon for starters. How about you guys ?

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