Merry Christmas My Little Porkchop

 This Christmas is a first for my farmer husband and I. Instead of the usual mall bought, store found, eBay won, gift that everyone and their brother gets for the Holidays, we are giving our family something entirely different.

Meat. We're giving them meat.

Yes, I hear you, do they even make gift boxes for bacon? Why yes they do, in the form of an envelope; and a gift certificate to the farm they all grew up on. You see, up until last year when I was still working at my off the farm nursing job, we spent a large amount of cashola on Christmas. Like too many other Americans, we tended to spend as much as we made. If one toy was good for the grandchildren then why not four? If one adult son enjoyed model helicopters then by all means get him the largest one with all the accessories, and a years service agreement if the copter blades should come flying off and wing the innocent cat already hiding under the tree.

But this year, the cash flow slowed considerably as we struggled to support ourselves entirely by the income generated by farm sales. So when it came time to start the Christmas shopping ritual I realized that going further into debt for made-in-China-disposables that would not be remembered next year, was no longer appealing. Instead we took a long hard look around at all the richness we already had in place right here on our farm.

With only one aisle, our "Spotted Wattle" is no Super Store
but it serves its purpose well.

Homemade soaps, free range eggs, rolled rump roasts, bacon, and pork sausage patties, to name a few, all right there in our little farm store. A years worth of hard labor ready to be shared with those we loved most. So with the little bit of ink left in my printer and the clean backside of recycled paper, I made up gift certificates for each of our grown children.

But, I must admit, it felt a little wrong, as if I was cheating somehow. Isn't that truly ridiculous? Years ago homemade and home grown items were treasured and loved but as our country (and factories) grew, allowing us to produce more for less, we became accustomed to the over-the-top acquisition of stuff. Quantity replaced quality and homemade became synonymous with "cheap" regardless of the effort that went into the handcrafted world of gifting.

Homemade treasures, like this lovely swan ornament by artist Z. Asha
are always the best kind of gifts to give and receive.

Once, a few days ago, I almost gave up on the idea of giving our farm products to our children and found myself wandering around a Super Store with an empty cart screaming to be filled. Then I overheard a husband fighting with his wife about a gift they were selecting for her mother. She swore they had gotten her the same machine knitted hat/scarf/glove set last year while he swore it was HIS mother they had given it to. Neither of them were happy.

That's when I realized that even if I did give our grown kids burger this year they would probably be happy to get it again next year. And if not...well at least I had given them something we worked very hard to produce, something we could give with real pride. I then filled my cart with toilet paper-since we haven't figured out yet how to make THAT-and left the Super Store that was making me feel Super Empty.

So,this year for Christmas our four offspring and their spouses are getting farm raised, pasture grown, certified organic meat (or if they prefer homemade laundry soap), the best "labor of love" we could possibly give them. No batteries needed. But please don't worry about the wee grandchildren. I did cave into commercialism slightly and bought them one toy each.

You gotta be 18 in this family to get hot dogs for Christmas. Sorry.

Lovin' that Junk Man

Hmmm. What is that farmer up to now ? That isn't hay at the end of that hay fork on his tractor.  What could it possibly be ?

I put the camera down and I look closer. My heart is racing, hopeful, anticipating the possibility that maybe...just perhaps...oh Mother of Abraham Lincoln it is ...JUNK. ! Glorious junk going baa bye.

For some time now we've had a beaten up dumpster on our property collecting...collectibles. The struggle to fill the beast is just that, a struggle. What the Midlife Farmwife sees as junk, the "Use-it-up-wear-it-out" Farmer sees as potential. It took several years for me to get him to agree to having a dumpster on our property. "Why ?" he pondered and then finally he caved.

He caved about the same time I threatened to let him sleep with his" potential" instead of with me. The sad part was he actually took a few days to weigh the pros and cons. When he gave in a dumpster was rented and delivered that over time became junk itself. The dumpsters owner brought us a new one a couple of mnths ago and somehow the two of them there junkmen decided the old dumpster could stay.

You can imagine my utter joy at that decision.

Husband promised the bad dumpster would be used to gather everything that could go to the steel recycling plant and over the summer he has kept his promise (and his softer bed partner) and now the crappy dumpster has gone the way of recycleville. Keith hoped to get $40-$50. Instead he got over $100

You watch, tomorrow I'll wake up and there will be five dumpsters in our farm yard. So much for natural consequences.

The Little Farm That Could

The hardest thing about being a small farm...is being a small farm. Keith and I are constantly looking at ways to expand/improve/organize/maintain our farm and all its products while remaining financially solvent yet keeping the farm attractive for future buyers and physically able to get up out of bed the next day.

Looking at our farm from a different view point.

I'm not kidding about the bed part. Keith falls asleep HARD, I fall asleep for awhile, wake a while, sleep a while, watch reruns of SOAP for awhile so when it is indeed time to get up I am rarely in the same place in our huge full size bed that I was when it was lights out. Last night was a toss me/turn you night (Just don't) and when I dropped my leg off the side of the bed to get up, I instead slid the whole hippus maximus right off  the mattress that does not need to be 60 inches deep anyway does it ? and slid down to the floor.

Made me mad.

But no one said running a small farm would be easy. For example, Keith and I both would rather be outside providing animal care so we can raise them big, healthy and happy and sell them for a fair price to us, to our restaurants, to our grocery stores and  to private customers. But what is "fair?"  I 'll tell you what FAIR is...FAIR is a huge burdensome, time sucking, brain destroying, Internet searching noun  that cannot be proven or disproven. Don't even get me started on "Fair Trade Coffee" as it seems only depraved old men with donkeys are entitled to "Fair Trade Payment"

Why can't a good, decent, honest, hard working white fellow/gal  get good money for his/her Middle Western Dark Beans?  I said, don't get me started. Thus my frustration. Keith and I have not increased our price of restaurant pork in 3 years. Its way past time. Corn prices are stupid high as is organic straw. So we block out several days to hit the books again (thus my little blogcation) but all our other chores eat into the "free time" and we are not neat as close to coming up with a FAIR price as we want to be.

Right now I am sifting through all our processing receipts, which locker charged us how much for what ? 4 years ago we used 4 lockers then we decreased to 2. Its working well but still I see now all the little details I might want to put in the memo box of a quicken entry. Tidbits like costs of sausage patties VS sausage links. I do understand the importance of tracking ones sausage but I would rather be playing with the newborn sausages in the field.


Even the smallest operations must have the ability to interpret data
otherwise how would we know for sure that mustard is
thicker than cheap syrup?

We easily need a full time secretary/full time herdsman but there is no salary for such.  If I sold lots more hogs in the next few months we might have enough extra for a little tiny secretary on the side. But first we have to figure out all our costs related to raising of the pigs (and later the dairy and the beef and the chickens and the honey and the soap) so we can raise our prices in a Fair Trade manner (don't get me started). We have data but no one to interpret all the data. We have customers, great customers but no one is keeping them well educated and updated, keeping them INTERESTED in the farm, so they will be driven towards future purchases unless they read this blog and some do but it is so ramble ramble sometimes it really cannot be labeled as education.
These are just a few of my favorite things that keep me up at night. Oh and that ridiculous term "Fair Trade"
but please don't get me started.

Chicago...My Kind of Clown.

Its a funny city Chicago is, we never know what kind of hilarity we are going to find on delivery day. For example I find this piglet butt hysterical

I don't know why. Maybe its just the angle, or the voice of Miss Piggy in my head . "Hello ?  Who took my skirt ? Is this any way to treat a lady ? Someone get my agent on the phone NOW!" After all, Keith is working so hard to get down those steps I should be respectful and not giggling behind his back. I can't seem to help it. Tense times does that to me. In Mass my sister and I would get to giggling and we would have to pinch each other to gain some control. Laughing in the middle of the Our Father ? Not good.

Then dad would catch us out of the corner of his eye and he would whack us (not so hard) to get us to stop. But that made us giggle more which made mom really mad and then she would be pinching us to get us to stop and her pinch was no laughing matter. Oh the cycle of abuse. I miss them everyday.

Following the drop off of two roasters and one large whole Red Wattle hog to Old Town Social,
http://www.oldtownsocial.com/   we headed north to In Fine Spirits.

There we delivered about 35 pounds of very fresh boneless pork shoulder. This Italian restaurant and its chef Marianne work so well with us. We do not always have shoulder available all the time, in fact we have to wait until the supply in our farm store is low enough so we can process the rest of the hog (sans shoulder) for individual cuts to go in the store. Good stuff like bacon and chops.

Marianne always  orders when we have it available and ALWAYS makes wonderful comments about our fat cap. As a mature sized woman, it is a real treat to have someone speak well of my fat cap. I cherish those pats on the (fat) back.

I am also grateful for the free advertising she gives us and the other farms she supports.  FRESH healthy food is important to her. So fun to see our farm name in the middle of her "Our Awesome Farms" board in her restaurant, in Neon (chalk) none the less.

With 9 whole minutes left on the parking meter, and we never waste those minutes, we walked into my favorite thrift shop, The Brown Elephant. If you like junk and retro and rehab and recycle and just stuff, you must visit this gem. Once an old Vaudeville theatre it is now in its 9th life selling treasures. Perhaps you are the mood for some lamps

That pair of pink ceramic ones (lower right) calls to me in a Marilyn Monroe sort of throatiness. You too, huh ? I love the front stage part of The Brown Elephant. Can you not see Jimmy Durante and his big banana
twirling his cane ? If you do not know Jimmy then just leave this blog right now you big baby. Speaking of fresh fruit, I forgot to thank Cassie Green at Green Grocer for her order today.

http://www.greengrocerchicago.com/  The only grocery we choose to sell to in Chicago and YES, smarty pants (I learned that term from MBJ) we have had other groceries ask us to supply them. But we only have so much meat so we pick and choose who we will serve just like they pick and choose who they buy from. America, gotta love her.

OK, now all you folks who did not know the Snoz...come back. I need all the followers I can get. In addition to the well lit area at The Brown Elephant, they also have books

And of course, a few bags...(That remark was uncalled for. It was acutely accurate but uncalled for.)

On the way home we stopped in my old neighborhood, Ravenswood, at my favorite Irish Pub (in the US) and had a pint and a Sprite ,which we washed down with some fish and chips.
http://www.oshaughnessychicago.com/    

A grand day all together.

Foodie ?!?!

My father was the original "Foodie"  He loved food of all kinds. Especially the food my mother made. Every meal she made was wonderful (in his mind) and he was grateful.

"Thank you Beautiful, you sure know the way to my heart"

I'm sure at that time my mother was thinking "Oh great, now I've done it. Irish Lover Boy is in a good mood. Just what I need." As she spooned meatloaf out on the plate of child number 6 hoping the kids wouldn't mind the fact that she had to stretch the 1/2 pound of burger with a box of saltines.

We didn't mind. We were hungry and didn't know much better. Now, a few years later I've fairly entrenched in the world of food. Local, all natural, beyond organic, frozen meat to groceries, fresh carcasses to the restaurants and 100% grass fed in our little farm store, etc... etc... food. Still, I'd give a million critically endangered Red Wattles with their awesome back fat and super luscious loins just to have my mom in front of us again serving  over cooked meatloaf swimming in a bath of watered down ketchup.

Food is love in so many ways. It certainly makes my husband very happy when I cook for him.  Men. Made simple by God to make up for the insanity of all womankind.  I can say those kind of things. I'm an ex-feminist. A couple of mornings ago I made him some of these

These are eggs we sell in our store. Three come from 3 neighbor farmers and one is ours, The different shell colors are a result of the breed of the chicken. Shells are pretty to look at but its the INSIDE that tells the real story

At high noon we have an egg for a chicken who has just started being let outside on grass. Also new to natural feed, only having been fed non-commercial feed for about two weeks. At 3 pm we have another pastured chicken egg from chickens who gets commercial feed. Then at 6pm we have an egg from a nice middle aged couple who let their chickens run all over the free world, chased for fun by heathen grandchildren  and eat only bugs they can find on their own and any leftover organic feed the farmers might drop on the ground. Egg number four at 9pm came from free range chickens fed certified organic feed.

Weird thing was, after I cooked them and fed them all to hubbie, not telling him which eggs came from where, he liked them all and couldn't tell the difference. The moral of the story ?

My husband is happy when I cook for him. Period

An ounze of prevention is worth a pound of really expensive certified organic treatments

So, with 7 calves at the beginning of the week, they all rolled over and one fell out via death by Coccidiosis. (see my past two posts) Later that day Keith noted another calf with early scours.No other symptoms. Appetite great and very active,

We got busy.

• First we moved the newly ill calf into a clean hutch with lots of fresh grass within its reach.
• The we read all we could find regarding both organic and non organic treatment.
• Next we called Crystal Creek for new supplies. We were out of important supplements,
• We ordered Calf 180 which contains yeast, pectin and electrolytes such as potassium and sodium, AND a   big bottle of Whole Leaf Aloe Vera juice.
• I then washed out all our calves water buckets with hot bleach water. Refilling then only 1/3 of the way to deter ducks from washing up in the buckets as we had seen them do in this recent heat spell.Keith found another larger flatter water pan for the ducks and filled it to the brim for their use.
• We then began giving supplemental feedings (2 a day) of water and electrolytes from the Calf Shield product we still had on hand
• And we watched the scoured calf like two hawks on a plump field mouse. No blood in its stool. No change in appetite or activity level.
• Tomorrow we will move all our hutches to new ground. Wash them with the pressure washer and as new calves are born they will go into "like a virgin" hutches



One more thing. The vets number is on speed dial.

Wanted: Something less

So, our farm has been listed with our realtor for a little over a week. A few days ago he brought 5 of his agents out here so Keith and I could do a walk and talk with them.
http://home.lyonssullivanrealty.com/listings.asp

We spent a little time touring the house but spent the most time outside. Afterwards I asked what any old HGTV groupie would ask. "So, what can we improve upon before you start showing ?"

Long pause.

Finally, Mr. Lyons himself, the firms first owner said. "I have no idea. I'm totally overwhelmed."
He was referring to all the parts of our business, the organic meat business (grocery stores, restaurants, private customers), the farm store, the raw milk business,my new soap making business,  the livestock we raise, the certified organic land, the house...

He was referring to our lives. Yeah, we're a little overwhelmed too. Especially when its 106 outside. True temperature. Not heat index, but actually heat of 106F. But, pity us not as we chose this life and now we are choosing something more manageable. A small home . Maybe one like this

Other than needing a porch, preferably wrap-a-round, this looks good to me. But Keith thought we might need a couple hundred more square feet for family visits. So we went back to one of my favorite blogs (Walter Jeffries) and his Tiny Cottage. Just 252 square feet for a family of 5. http://flashweb.com/blog/2010/12/tiny-cottage-at-three-years.html.

I spent several hours the other night reading every post Walter wrote about his tiny cottage and decided...he was nuts.

Nuts in a good way. Nuts in the way of making less be so much more when you are organized and creative. Nuts in how he made a curved CONCRETE roof without once dropping any of it on his kids heads.

 Keith however was still thinking he needed a tad more space. Apparently being cooped up with me in tinyland frightened him. So today he and ,I along with sister Mary and husband Dave toured the Anti-Tiny-Cottage when we looked at modular homes, those built in factories and delivered to your home site. http://www.homewayhomes.com/build/photoalbum.html

We thought them to be efficient, attractive and cookie cutter. Well made for the $115 sq foot price tag but not what we had in mind. Still it gave me some great ideas about space allocation and showers ! One home had this cool dual shower that could be entered from either side. I will replace the plastic wall the model home had, with the colored bottle wall Walter has in his Tiny Cottage !

Yes. Its fun to dream.

But in the meantime the temperature has plummeted to 100 and I best go water a few husbands...I mean chickens.

Don't BEE crazy

When Keith came running up to the house the other night yelling for my camera, I was mildly intrigued. He's a laid back type of guy so this behavior was unexpected. All three GK's were present and accounted for so no worry there but the camera thing...how odd. He never takes pictures.

So I meandered out to where he was behind the machine shed and found these

One big group of SWARMING bees. Look at them ! Big and little had come from who knows where and were settling into an empty bee hive we had been meaning to fill with new bees to be purchased. Now most folks would not like this particular site but we were pretty happy. Happy from a distance I might add.

After a few minutes the traveling bees settled into their new home. It wasn't long before there was virtually very little evidence of their Swarm Dance 2011.  They are good tenants who will pay us soon in golden honey you will find in bottles in our farm store. Once again traveling a very short distance before it is purchased, it will go from hive to our machine shed for cleaning and bottling and back to our little farm store which sits approximately 30 feet from this hive. Now that's  LOCAL honey.

Cream

Although a fabulous band of the 60's and the home of Eric Clapton before he was known as Clapton, the Cream I am speaking of has nothing to do with guitars. But before I continue I must YouTube them and get a little fix.



I'm a little worried about the end of his guitar though. All that smoke must indicate an electrical problem eh ? Sooo where was I ? Oh yeah, woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb 'cross my head. Woke the GK's, drank coffee, packed up for the Farmers Market which we have done the last 6 Saturdays but today was cool 'cause another wonderful family was hosting it so all I had to do was set up (with Keith's help yeah) and then put out all my soaps in these great new display cabinets built by son Colton and Keith and then came home and made this HUGE breakfast for the GK's complete with Peanut Butter Pancakes and bacon ends which is the best bacon of all as it has the biggest fat hunks sent the kids outside to play in the "woods" which is just a patch of trees we never pulled about 50 feet from the house drank the rest of my cold coffee and decided to blog...

about cream.

(You think reading that was hard ?! You should live with all that in your head 24/7)

We have been enjoying lots of cream lately as Keith recently was able to repair a very vintage cream separator we obtained from the Jordan family. Who by the way we still owe for. They said they would take the amt due in return for milk but as yet they have not come for said milk should I just send them a check ?  (breathe Donna, breathe)

Sure you could start Frankensteins heart with this machine
could you not ?

After purchasing several new parts and playing with all those parts to get them in the correct cream separating order...Keith is now able to pour lots of raw milk into the big monster machine and get back the most awesome cream ever . The weirdest cream ever. So thick it hardly pours. Once I put it in my food processor it turns to whip cream so stiff I can tour the bowl over and it does not move. Allowing the blades to continue the butter breaks apart within three minute after that and is so bright yellow it looks tampered with. Tampered as in FD &C Yellow number 432938


Of course a bearing goes out after you've filled it with
 five gallons of milk. Murphys Raw.

And now a homestead update. Farm brochure being made by our Realtor and then MLS posting shall begin. We've had lots of interest and several phone calls. We spend our evenings looking online at small house plans but all are so goofy with their huge master bedrooms and king sized baths. We'll end up designing our own I'm sure. In the meantime junk is flying out the door and a few windows as we prepare for the biggest garage sale of our lives !

Doubting Thomas

The tide has turneth. It happened so quickly I almost got pulled under the riptide. Almost. Fortunately I expected the Naysayers would be rearing their ugly heads soon and I had prepared some FAQ's myself.

A recent conversation went like this.

It can't be done. You can't live on $6000 a year
Why not ? (just an arbitrary number we picked out the sky. We're hanging on to it because it irritates people)
Because you have to buy things
Like what ? (playing dumb...a strength of mine except I'm not always acting)
Well, sugar.
Yes sweetheart...(He was not amused) We have honey
You can't use honey for everything.
Why not ? (he'd cringe if he knew some of the unique ways I'd used honey over the years)

Long pause

What about health insurance ?
I might not get any.
What ?!?! You can't do that!
Sure I can, Its still America. I don't HAVE to get health insurance.(yet) I paid thousands into the system why can't I take some back ? (hinting I might apply for public aide. Not hardly)
What about entertainment ?
I think canning 150 jars of tomatoes will be entertaining enough.
What about clothes ?
We have enough clothes to last us 10 years. You can give us underwear for Christmas. I prefer mine with underwire.


My opponent remained unconvinced. I think the bottom line is: no one want to admit that we can indeed get by and possibly even thrive on a much smaller budget living a much simpler life. Since the 1950's we (the society "we" because I like to speak for all mankind) have convinced ourselves of many odd "truths." Such as the absolute need for two cars, three TVs , four bathrooms and five phones.

Trying to convince others that we want LESS has proven challenging. But we don't mind as we are enjoying the looks on peoples faces when we tell them we are considering a composting toilet and heating our home by wood stove alone while drying our clothes year round on a clothes line. Oh OK, if it really snows hard we might have to use our clothing rack set up by the stove.

And while folks cluck cluck behind our backs we are having a ball planning our new DEBT FREE life and our new tiny house.

When designing a new home its always best to call in the
professionals. Fortunately Wesley Lloyd Wright was available

With Keith at one end of the dream home and the girls at the other, Wes decides
on the perfect placement of the imaginary wood stove.

Goodbye Cruel World

No worries. Not that serious. But we are saying goodbye. Not to blogging, heaven forbid. Nope. We are saying goodbye...to our farm.

WHAT ?!?!?

Its true Mon Ami, my mostest bestest man person and I have decided that things are going so well, too well in fact and we want off the Gravy Train. Oh don't be so shocked. It's not like we're planning to move to CHINA or something. Confused ? Join the pub. I'll let that soak in a minute while you gaze upon a related picture.

Shall we continue ?

OK then. Here's the rest of the story. Last week I was mowing the Never ending lawn and I realized I did not want to keep mowing the Never ending lawn. Like the big rig mama I am, I shut 'er down, walked over to Keith who was feeding hogs and said, "I'm done." He knew I was not talking about the Never rending lawn. He said, now pay attention as this is the really cool part, "Me too."

That's how the really big decisions get made here on South Pork Ranch LLC. We headed to the kitchen table where we talked quite a long time. For those of you with lives of your own I'll summarize. If you do not have a life of your own please send me $29.95 cash or check and I'll send you the entire transcript.

The big summary:
     Farm business going very well. New customers every day
     Keith and I working 80-100 hrs each , EACH week
     Can not keep up with the work. Need to hire full time employees
     We are working harder and harder and enjoying it less and less
     Instead...we want to homestead.

No, not the I have a turkey in my backyard therefore I homestead kind of homestead. We mean buy a few acres, build a tiny house, build a huge garden, raise a few animals and support ourselves DEBT FREE. We want to live off of say $5000 a year (to buy stuff like coffee)  which we would acquire through small on farm jobs like free lance writing, sales of a few head of livestock each year and dare I say it ? Soap making. We will barter for items we cannot make ourselves. We are going to sell or give away approximately 75% of our possessions in order to make this move. Are you starting to get the picture ?  We want to live off the land baby !
Our "one day" is here and now.

See that ? Way out there on the horizon ? It's our future.

But first things  first. We must put our farm, our house, our certified organic dairy, beef and pork business up for sale. We've already interviewed one realtor and we have already had one phone call from a gentlemen wanting to see the place next week. We have also seen one piece of prospective property to purchase. ONE is not a lonely number. (Quick, which sappy 70's rock band sang that tune? First one to tell me by commenting on this blog gets a FREE South Pork Ranch T-shirt. Soon to be a collectors item.) We are moving ahead and we need your help.

This is a map

Here is how. If you are a current customer of ours and you want to have these same products available to you in the future please keep buying from us. We want to sell the house, farm and business as a whole turn key certified organic operation; livestock, buildings, equipment, customer contacts and all. Prospective buyers will want to see our books, (but they can't have Angela's Ashes, its too dear) our income statements, budgets etc...They will also want to see customers coming and going. So please keep coming and going.

We will keep you up to date as this evolves. Until actual sale time it will be business as usual. This could take years . If you see us out and about please don't hesitate to ask us about our plans to sell the farm. Its not a secret.

Not anymore :)

But if you refer back to some of my posts and look a little closer you mind find that I had been leaving a few clues. http://midlifefarmwife.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-man-john.html

P.S. This is what we are hoping to buy. 5-10 acres. Part wooded, part pasture. A creek or pond would be fab. Old buildings OK but not required. Old house OK but not required. Water, electric and gas lines not needed. Secluded area off the beaten track would be ideal. No lawns need apply. MUST BE within 40 miles of Pontiac, Illinois. The GK's are far to excited about all of this to leave them behind. Wish us luck. We're going to need it.

P.S.S. As soon as all the figures are figured and the attorney gets together with the accountant and the realtor, I'll tell you all our farm and the asking price. Maybe one of you followers would like to relocate to the Prairie State. Hmmmmmm?

Runaway Hides

Every time its the same thing. You birth them, you nurse them, you share your bed with them. You protect them from all harm and you give ONLY good advice. After all that what do they do ? THEY LEAVE YOU. They think they have all the answers and they just walk out the door oblivious to the sound of your heart breaking. Crrrraaaack. They make it worse by going into another animals pasture and embarrassing you with their pignanigans.

But of course, as soon as things get a little tough or a little bit scary, say maybe the donkey nips them in the arse or the big mean red-orange tractor fires up close to them....they come runnin' back to the safety of the home pasture. Right THROUGH the electric fence, that basically can't give them much of a shock anymore due to the high grass someone has not bothered to mow yet. Yes as always, it comes back around to me




Run Joey Run Joey Run Joey Run
(first one to name that tune wins two free bars of handmade soap
mailed to your home ! Yes even if you live out of the US )


Mow is me.*




The "Mow is me" phrase is copyrighted by its creator S.L. Unauthorized use of said phrase is prohibited with out appropriate fee payment. The appropriate fee payment is $50 payable by cash or check. Because S. L.is quite hermit like and prefers her privacy it is best if you send the money to me.Donna OShaughnessy 32796 E 750 N Rd  Chatsworth, Il 60921. I will forward all fees to her. Sure I will.

I got your CHIVES right here !

Less than 24 hours until The Stewards of The Land first Farmers Market of the Season. We have confirmation of the following

     Grass Fed Beef
     Organic Pork
     Rhubarb
     Radishes
     Free Range Eggs
     Herbs like Chives,

                                                                       Comfrey,

                                                                        Tarragon

     Hand Crafted soap to clean up your cooking mess

Really, its soap, not caramel bars. Made with 95% organic materials
 I call it "Hippie Hemp Soap". due to the  Hemp Oil in it which is great for dry skin
 No dummy, you can't smoke it, but you
can bathe with it.

Not only will you be able to buy fresh produce but we are located in front of one of the coolest antique Shoppes I have even seen. So make a Saturday out of it and come visit us at 301 W. Oak Street in Fairbury, Illinois, USA

That "USA" part is for the thousand or so of my blog followers coming from other countries. You know who you are ! Still time to grab a flight over to see us. I'll get the guest room ready. There, I chased the cat off the guest bed, the guest bed is ready.

Goodbye Middle Man

A year ago when we said goodbye to our Milk Middle Man and decided to sell our raw milk DIRECT to customers we knew we would meet many challenges. When we also decided to sell all our meat DIRECT to customers we assumed even more risk and challenges. Nothing to stand between us and our products except...us. The biggest challenge of all have been, I believe, finding others who have done the same and are willing to share what they have learned. Farmers are workers and few are writers so the How -To books are limited when it comes to promoting and advertising what your farm has to offer.


Joel Salatin of course has done wonders in this area as has Lynn Miller but we need more. We specifically need state specific how- to -books. I continue to search for one consolidated source, a well written book about the rules, regs and best advice for direct farm marketing in our home state of Illinois. Does anyone know of such a publication ?

Pop-Up Children. Just one more way to draw attention to your farm  sign.
It might also draw the attention of DCFS . I'm just sayin'

In the meantime, I plug away at all the marketing ideas that have so far worked well for us. This blog, our web page, http://www.south-pork-ranch.com/ our Facebook Page, http://www.facebook.com/  our listings on The Stewards of The Land website, http://www.thestewardsoftheland.com/OurStewards.htm along    with http://realmilk.com/,    http://www.localharvest.org/  and   http://www.eatwild.com/products/illinois.html   (Now was that blatant self advertising or what ?!?) All good but not enough when your sole source of income is from the products of your farm. We considered hiring a plane that pulls your big banner across the sky but its out of our budget (for now). And besides, a marketing technique that causes our cattle to run through fences seems counter productive. Anytime a farmers herd of critters shows up in a neighbors well landscaped yard, one looses a few "direct-marketing" points. So we settled for the ever basic but still effective (we will see) Farm Sign. 

Look for it   (on County Rd 3200 and The Melvin-Chatsworth Blacktop) and drop in for a visit to our store. Open everyday 10 AM to 5 PM except Sunday when we are closed. We'd also  love to just take a minute and tell you about our farm, share with you our reasons for keeping animals outside on pasture, and show you the swollen bellies of our THREE Red Wattle gilts ready to give birth any day now. We wouldn't even mind selling  you some of our certified organic meat, a bag of popcorn and a bar of handmade soap. If you insisted.  (Thanks JD, good to see you guys)

Look at me , look at me, LOOK AT ME !

Yes, believe it or not ,the elusive and mystical white peacock with its silvery plumes and masculine chicken legs. resides here on South Pork Ranch in Chatsworth Illinois. In early Druid  times of Southern Wales he was thought to have awesome powers. If a famine struck peasant was lucky enough to see one and prove such by obtaining one of the creatures beautiful tail feathers, he would be rewarded with overwhelming wealth and good fortune. His critical wife would honor him and once again find him wildly attractive despite his poor dental hygiene and his 19 children would respect him, bragging about his wisdom to all their sheep thieving friends. His landlord would GIVE him the one room shack slash barn  in which he was living. The peasant would be able to speak many languages endearing him to the leaders of the world who would seek his opinion in all matters of importance.


Oh please. Its just a bird. I made up all that stuff.


But they are fun to watch. Strutting all over the farm like they are somebirdy.  First when you approach, you get the full frontal view but if you offend them in any way like say, looking at them they blow you off  with this view:

Nice, eh ? Once you've calmed their huge egos you might be lucky to get a  Barbra Streisand side view. Usually saved for bigger camera's like those of National Graphic, consider yourself lucky to get  his,  "this is my best side" pose.

Trying to impress anything else with feathers, such as the lowly chicken, the uninterested duck, the also too self involved rooster,  the white peacock soon becomes bored with the attention of such common farm animals and flounces off.

I mean really just look at that back leg, extended with heel up. Is that not a "flounce" ? He has never quite gotten over the fact that he ended up here instead of at Brookfield  Zoo like so many of his performance minded family members.  Receiving a urgent call from his agent he rushes to his private jet

Seconds later, because he was so busy with his model runway classes and never got around to getting his flying license, he crashes beak first into the chicken yard.

Mr. Bird Cage here is just one of several critters gearing up for spring. In fact, The South Pork Ranch Spring Review will be on stage for the next few weeks. Matings, birthings, flouncings,  etc etc...Mardi Gras time, farm style.

A Pigcation

Enough about the pigs already ! Lets talk milk. After all this farm of ours would not even exist if it has not been for our first cow and strong milker, Kiki.

Alas Kiki has long ago gone the way of the dead animal truck, or was it the compost pile?  The family BBQ  of 2008 ? Or was she the one Keith buried but it was really hot and maybe she could have been buried a bit deeper but REALLY it was very hot and digging that hole by hand (and a shovel) before we bought a decent tractor was very hard even though it was late at night after the HOT sun went down and Keith was shoveling in his skivies and so maybe she could've been buried deeper and the next morning that one leg shot up out of the earth and we woke to find the our 3 boys playing Tether ball with a post in the yard we don't remember ever installing ? Was that her ?

Anyway, Kiki is gone but her memory and her sports abilities live on. Without her there would have been  no milk, no future calves and no dairy. No Grade A licensure, no sales to conventional Mega companies. No frustration with poor milk prices, no conversion to organic dairy, no selling of raw milk to customers who wanted it very badly. No loss of contract with Foremost, no loss of Grade A license because even though it is legal to sell milk in Illinois it is frowned upon by the government masses who feign education. No increase in milk sales, in our farms bottom line, in customer satisfaction . Without Kiki we'd probably be selling chemical supplements by the case to schools teaching children about nutrition.

Without Kiki we'd be less tired,

and less satisfied. And we are very satisfied most days. Especially on those days when customers like Bill Wilson of Midwest Permaculture http://www.midwestpermaculture.com/PDC-UWRF-March2011.php take a moment to not only thank us but then ask us to speak to his class at the University of Wisconsin. A great 45 minutes of being able to tell our story and then answer questions from young hopefuls who want to do something akin to whatwe are doing here on South Pork Ranch. That is what Keith and I did this morning.

It was an honor Bill and THANK YOU for your support of this small family farm.

An uphill climb

My husband gave me a great gift today, the gift of  being abandoned. Not forever, just a few hours. Yesterday we took off for Turkey Run Lodge in Indiana, about a 3 hr drive from our farm in Central Illinois. Our primary goal ? To get off the farm, to stop working on the farm, to stop talking about the farm, to stop talking about other peoples farms. With son Jason at the helm we left after morning chores and arrived here just before supper time. This morning after breakfast Keith went walking on the twooded trails and I got busy...on my book.

Yes, the same book I have been working on for 16 months. It has been moved to the back burner since just before Christmas but as of this morning I am happy to report it is on the front burner, flames turned on high and contents boiling over onto the stove. Nearly 6 hours of uninterrupted writing, rewriting and editing has made me  happy, happy , happy and dare I say it ? HAPPY ?! So many hours strung together without phones or housework, animal care or family concerns, paperwork or whatever. I needed the first hour to remind myself of the characters names and some other minor details like the plot, but after that words came plodding out of my fingers. I can't type so words rarely "fly" out of my fingers but I have learned how to hunt and peck quickly.

My newest goal is to weasel a few friends and family members into reading the finished draft sometime in March and April before I send queries  into agent land in May.  May 17th to be exact, my 52nd birthday. The entire book writing process has been an uphill battle. Wes ? Can you demonstrate a minute please ?

Thank you Wesley.. Such a good boy.

The biggest problem for me has always been time. I enjoy writing very much so of course it gets done last or second to last as horse riding "jockeys" for last place.  Pa dumb ching . But this must stop, or start, as writing is not just a pastime but must become an additional  source of income for us as we as now totally self employed. To not write makes no sense. I have the skills (rudimentary my dear) and we have the topics, so many many of them , and when coupled with the market which seems very open, well ...opportunity knocks. Time (there's that word again) to put down the broom, or the vacuum and pick up the laptop. Time to get organized and disciplined. Time to decrease TV watching EVEN MORE. Time to get crackin', get serious, and get busy.

Time to take a nap.

Just a short one. Then its back at it, and very soon another excerpt from my book. Until then here is a reprint I posted on my blog back in September  http://midlifefarmwife.blogspot.com/2010/09/book-what-book.html

Local is as local does

I was a foodie looong before the term became hip, I mean cool..er rad ?  Now, if you are not a foodie then you must be living in the back cooler of McDonald's as it had become a very popular term. But what it is exactly ? A Foodie is someone who appreciates GOOD FOOD. Not fast food or junk food, not frozen entrees of boxes filled with preservatives and very little actual food but instead real food that came hopefully from a non-factory garden or farm.  A "locovore, "  another popular term,  is in the broadest sense, someone who tries to eat mostly food grown locally. "Local" is usually food that is grown within 100 miles of the consumer but the definition varies.

The reasons for eating locally grown food are many. Hopefully the food is better because it has traveled less distance and been handled far less. On average , an American' s food travels 1500 miles before it comes to rest on his plate. This is understandable for something like Salmon which I love, as the Atlantic is a ways from Livingston County Illinois, but why does my lettuce have to travel so far? Especially when a place like Living Waters http://www.livingwaterfarms.net/Home.html  is literally less than 20 miles from my door ?

And what about chicken and beef and pork ? Turkey, lamb, goat and talapia, syrup and wheat flour ? Popcorn, arugula, sprouts ,milk, honey, apples, jams and ice cream ? Each and every one of those items is grown within 30 miles of our farm. Amazing really.  I'll be the first to admit (before one of my kids rats me out) I do not eat all organic or even all local because fact be known, I have a lazy side. It is EASY to buy food that is not so good for you. The supermarkets make it that way, tucking all the fresh stuff off to the sides while filling up the middle rows with all the convenience foods. Yet, once you START eating better, you will find yourself seeking better food.

When we opened our little store a few months ago we knew we would sell our meat there and we hoped to carry a few items from other farmers IF they were interested. The response has been so exciting ! To date we have products from 6 other farmers which include organic wheat flour, organic corn meal, organic wheat berries, cage free eggs, POPCORN (I am a popcorn freak) and Black Aztec corn meal. What I like the most is knowing those farmers through their involvement with our farm or through our mutual involvement with the Stewards of The Land. A farmers group that is accomplishing tasks that many other farmers said could not be done. Read about that group here http://www.thestewardsoftheland.com/

But when we choose to eat mass produced food, food with little taste and often less nutritional value we are also choosing NOT to support the small family farms which surround us. Even now when you drive long distances in the country you will notice the lack of animals in the fields. Where did they all go ? Many are now housed on factory farms where thousands of animals are crowded into small buildings never to see the outdoors even once in their lives.  Its no wonder that these same animals produce meat with little or no real TASTE.

You might think a small purchase of corn meal in a bag at a farmers market or small family farm store can't possible make a difference but it does. Telling your friends about the farmers sweet corn you purchased makes a difference too. Find the farmers in your area and get to know them. ASK them how they grow their produce, raise their animals, and if you like what you hear, buy their  products.

It takes a little extra effort but you'll be rewarded with better tasting, longer lasting REAL food which is nutritionally better for you and an appreciative farmer who may be able to afford to run his booth at the farmers market or sell his items in the local grocery store next year.

2 + 2 = 10

The new math. Never easy for me. Now it is just impossible. Two weeks ago we had four calves to bottle feed and no new deliveries expected. Good news in that it meant not so much time spent outside with calves. Bad news because in order to sell beef you must have steers to butcher. And steers my friend come from ? Yes, Carnac The Magnificient. you are correct . The answer is "What are calves ?"

An example of a calf.

So a trip to the calf store was needed. A couple of phone calls and an email or two and Keith was on his way to northern Illinois. There we found Krista Lidell and her organic dairy and some gorgeous Holstein calves. They were healthy and happy where they were, but still Keith convinced them to "go south" for the winter. Three hours later he and the new group were settled in on the balmy acres of South Pork Ranch. Everyone knows Central Illinois is much warmer than Northern Illinois. Sometimes by as much as 3 degrees.

Caring for 10 calves instead of 4 is not all that different. Except for 6 additional bottles, and enough additional straw for six hutches, and we needed 6 new collars as ours were pretty torn up and then a few more hooks to connect the collars to the 6 new lengths of chains to attach the 6 new calves to their hutches. And then 6 new pages of calf records to record where these little critters came from and how old they were and of course MORE PAPERWORK to prove they were indeed organic and Keith just didn't pick them up at Big R's Mid Winter Parking Lot Sale. And oh yeah, since they were all bull calves that meant 6 castration dates. (And you thought  blind dates were bad.) What did I forget ? Yes ! 6 ear tags to be inserted so all calves could be tracked through our massive farm.

Example of more than one calf

Yeah. Six more calves is really no big deal at all.

Death by Paperwork

I have a dream. I live on a farm with my mate. We grow things, some animals, some vegetables, some fruits. We harvest and freeze or can them. We eat them. We write none of it down except maybe some info WE want like which breeds grew best and which carrots tasted most like carrots. We keep one little book each year and it is a beautiful book with a hand painted cover and paper made by fairies. We fax, copy, scan, file, attach...nothing.

But I am sure I would still blog.

The simple life. I yearn for it but yet I continue to make our life more complicated by adding new projects, products and procedures. There is this paper monster inside of me who loves to make posters, newsletters, signage. A monster who loves to play around with blog settings and designs, word perfect documents and organic files. But beneath all that is this smaller creature who is gaining strength who wants LESS. Less stuff, less paperwork, less documentation, less filing, less computer, less phone.

Take for example the sale of our meat. Ideally you would come to my store, pick out a steak you liked. I'd say, "That will be $7.  You pay me. Or you trade me a pasture raised chicken for it. I say THANK YOU

The reality is, you come to my store, you pick out a steak. I weigh it and charge you according to my price list. Then I write it all down on a sales slip. You get a copy and I keep the original. After you leave I carry the sales slip and the $ into the house. I pull up Quicken and log in the sales (date, type of product sold, amount paid and type of payment) as well as the number of the check you paid with. The sales slip then goes into a large 3 ring binder in alphabetical order. Double documentation because I do not trust computers. After one year I take all those slips put of the binder and file them because one day someone might complain about the meat and I feel the need for a strong and long paper trail. I blame heath care. I was in that system so long and risk and liability are two words I grew up with.

I really do hate those two words. I would rather structure my life around these two words, Trust and Dependability.

Piglet on outside of sled. "This hay had better be good"
Piglet inside the sled " Oh it is, these farmers are the most dependable and trustworthy ones I have ever worked with . By the way have you seen Baconnella lately ? She's been missing a few days." 

So farm planning day 11. Must simplify farm processes and develop customer trust through a dependable farm practices. Sounds like a mission statement to me. See ? I can't quit.