Monday, August 22, 2011

Bye Bye Mrs American Pie

So, I'm walking out of the restaurant where I had just completed without incident, a lovely lunch with oldest son and youngest grandson. Everything had gone so well.  It was a beautiful sunny day. The cafe's apple motif was somewhat charming. The coffee was FRESH. The waitress had been listening and brought exactly what we had ordered with the tiny mistake of bringing my piece of pie AFTER we were done eating instead of during.

But, being flexible and oh so brilliant I said "Make it to go please." We couldn't loiter, preschool was waiting. So she did, and with my boxed lemon pie in one hand and soon to be four yr old GK in the other, (to make room for the pie, I had just let go of the soon to be 30 yr olds hand. It was difficult but it was time.)I paid, I turned and then it happened.

It hurts even now to think about it. It just happened so fast.

I dropped the pie. Face down. Spilling its contents out all over the carpeted (Carpet ? In a restaurant ?!?)
floor. For one insane moment I thought I could fix it, could scoop it up whole. No one really saw but me, at least that's what I told myself.

But it was too late. I wanted to fling myself onto the lemony goodness. I knew if I was very fast I could lick it up without being noticed. But then  I remembered I was 52, and overweight and still holding onto a child. Back in the days of IHOP Pancake houses I could have easily made that dropped pie disappear, but times had changed. So instead I thought about fleeing, fast like the wind, but my orthopaedic tennies had a tendency to stick to carpets. (Carpet ? In a restaurant?!?!)

I had to do the right thing.

I told the waitress. She glared at me, wringing her wet bar rag in a threatening manner. Hanging my head I left as quickly as I could.

The elderly son jumped at the opportunity to rub salt into my pastry wound by announcing, "I'm telling Keith" knowing full well my husband would never have blatantly wasted food the way I did. I ushered everyone out the door, sniffling at my loss.

I need a vacation, and another piece of pie. What do you need ? How about some free soap by this talented soaper ? Enter her contest today !


  1. That's one of the best 'Short Stories' I've read for a long time.

    I love Lemon Pie; especially if it's not too sweet.

  2. Carpet in a restaurant is an evil equal only to carpet in a bathroom. What were they thinking? Sending virtual lemon meringue pie your way.

  3. I'm feeling with You. Every lemon pie will from now on evoke memories ... ;-)

  4. Reminds me of the coffee cup incident at work. And as always, the thought of that moment (and now this too)makes me laugh until I hurt! I feel for you and can imagine the look on your face. Pie, Smie! Glad to know I'm not the only one who has those moments :)


  5. Oh dear. I can just imagine myself in the same situation thinking the exact same thoughts - "surely it can be salvaged!"

  6. Treat yourself to something nice the next time your out to make up for the mishap. What a pity but you told your story so beautifully :)

  7. Cro, many thanks. Now if I can just get you people to PAY to read this blog. Free-loaders

    MBJ I got your virtual lemon pir early this am around 4. It was light with the perfect crust

    ANON (AKA Big J) You are goig to tell that coffee cup story at my wake aren't you ?!? A little respect, thats all I ever asked for. But Noooooooo.

    Amy. I am still lamenting it today. I have a serious problem wth letting things go.

    Nessa, I don't suppose you could whip me up a little pie and send it across the pond could ya ? Huh ? Please ?

  8. Oh man, this is my FAVORITE kind of pie! I would have gone into mourning...