LOL

First off, thanks to my 7, count them SEVEN new followers I've picked up in the last couple days ever since I voiced concern over one follower abandoning me. Don't know how it happened that I would gain so many in such a short time, but grateful I am.  Rock.You people. Do.

So, I've been graced with some fun visuals the last couple of days and must share. Number one is pig related. At first glance it appears to be just a few tiny piglets nursing their mama in the peaceful tranquility of open pasture on a sunny, late spring day.

But, as you venture closer you realize its a group of PIGS who have failed to launch and see no problem with sucking the life out of their dear, sweet, self sacrificing mother.

Time for a little weaning party I would say.

Then, while driving home from Chicago last week after delivering several hog carcasses we found ourselves behind this clown. Obviously he did not agree with his bosses policy of calling with any complaints about the drivers performance.

Finally, I have this.

And to think I worried all day today if  MY shorts were too tight !

Psychotic Soaper

Before I go any farther I need help finding someone. I'd like to do a general search before calling the authorities. You see, I've lost (Jeez, this is so embarrassing) one of my followers. There I said it. I don't know if it was something I said (most likely) or maybe a photo I posted, but one day I had 60 followers and the next day it was 59.

If I were a self actualized blogger who wrote purely for the intrinsic value this would not bother me, but truth is I am shallow, weak and insecure and the loss of this one follower makes me feel all wobbly inside. How will I carry on ?

Like this; so I have this huge soaping problem. HUGE. I cannot settle on any one recipe. After soaping for 7 months I am still experimenting. I cannot commit to just one recipe, one set of fixed oils, for my bars. Instead I am all over Soapville.

My first (and last ?) salt soap. Don't know what happened. I swallowed
all the directions exactly.

I make cold process, I make hot process. Last night I combined the two. Is that even legal ?!?! I did hot process on top and cold on the bottom. But then I started to fret. What if cold wanted to be on the bottom ? I did not even slow down enough to ask.

With CP on top and HP on bottom, I was very excited when I seemed
to get the frosting topping looking pretty good.
Then I remembered I forgot to scent that part. Two out of three
ain't bad you Meatloaf.

 I use organic ingredients and natural ingredients (dirt is natural right ? ) I use essential oils , because you essentially have to be a millionaire to afford them) and I use fragrance oils. Yes I am aware that fragrance oils are made by toddlers in the country of Babalinka who work  for just three euros a day but I can't help it, I love the smells !  I use pure ingredients like pink clay to color my soaps most of the time but once, please don't tell the purist police, I did use a pink crayon. I know, I know, Just beat me but it wasn't really my fault anyway. I was coloring my kitchen cabinets and it sorta just fell into my hot oils. Normally I use paint to touch up cabinets but after spending all my money on EO's I had to use crayons.

See those gaps between the layers ? After making this lavender soap
I learned you should SPRAY alcohol between the layers instead of
SIPPING  alcohol between the layers. Details. Details.

And don't even get me started on oils. Too late. I've gone the unrefined Shea Butter from Free Trade Africa route all the way to...Canned Crisco from pay for trade grocery store employees. Yes I am aware of the evilness of this action but I had to try it.One nice HARD bar and great lather but I smelled like McDonald Fries when I got out of the shower. After that I went back to the Lard from our pigs. Really turned out to be a fantastic soap ingredient. Hard white bar with creamy lather and it felt good to use as many parts of the hogs that we butcher as we can instead of wasting so much of it.

 I blame all you other professional soapers out there. You know who you are with your Dublinesque glitter tops , your perfect spoon swirls, your gorgeous hand made wooden market stands, your 296 layers of colors in one 3.75 oz bar, not to mention your one night stands with Mr B.Berry all in the name of "research." One of you even thought it would be a good idea to start a  little Flickr group so I could drool over thousands of soap bars far better than mine. Thanks a lot you sadist you.


This soap was made with certified organic lard, raw cows milk
and ALGAE. Spirulina is a corkscrew shaped alga whose
dried powdered stems make a great soap colorant. This bar sold
out quickly at The farmers Market. I called it Boot Camp Soap.



I just feel I have to keep trying all these good, bad, ugly green things so I can really be satisfied when I finally settle down. I mean did YOU Marry the first guy you ever dated ? Oh....sorry.

One habit I have been very consistent about is my labeling. Whatever is in the soap goes on my label which turned out to be the best equalizer of all. If I am not proud of my ingredients then I better not be selling the soaps made with the funky stuff. So I didn't. All the bad soaps got made into Donkey washing soap, laundry soap or liquid dish soap. Which might explain why we have pink crayon tinged plates and undies.



Tea tree and peppermint CP soap. Smelled great, looked great
until the heat from the gel phase burned some of the
Peppermint leaves making it look like garlic bread.

 So I continue on with this new less than perfect love of mine. Trying to keep the bubbles out, the moisture in , the scent pleasant, the gel phase uniform,  I  will venture forth until I can commit to a recipe I can be proud of. One that ideally won't include a pound and 1/2 of sea salt. Maybe I should try that pond salt recipe instead.

Love contests ? Love soap ? Check this out
@Productbody is giving away $75 in handmade soap + body products. Enter via FB Like and/or tweet. Details: http://bit.ly/mF6sGR

Moving towards less

So the news is out via (anti) social media, the realtor has visited  the farm, the accountant has been accounted for, insurance agents, bankers, customers who are smart enough not to get all their info from the web have been told face to face.  We are moving forward. Soon we will have an asking price for our organic dairy, beef and pork farm/business which will include a very solid farm house age 115 years,  10.88 acres, barns, LIVESTOCK,  machine shed, equipment, farm store, and option to rent another 40 acres.

Soon , after lots of work gathering many figures we should have an asking price for our farm/house/business. Yesterday Keith and I walked the property sizing up what we have, what we think it is worth and what we think it is REALLY worth. An enlightening walk. Items I thought were long gone were still here under tall grass camouflage. Funny though how I am looking at this inventory a little differently.

If indeed we are going to survive on just $5000-$6000 a year we will need to hold on to items that we don't want to have to purchase down the road. So what do we sell now  ? What do we include in the farm sale? What do we need to save for later use on our new homestead and what can we dispose of ?

In the meantime we are also staying up late and looking at SMALL house plans. Some folks think small is 2000 sq feet. We want 600-800 sq feet. We feel we need just one tiny bedroom, one small bathroom and a HUGE  kitchen since after all that is where all the main work of cooking, canning, freezing, drying food will take place.


We are considering straw bale houses, log cabins, earth homes, cord wood houses and yeas even rubber tire houses. In the event our profit from the farm sale is not enough to buy land and build a new home we are also looking at alternative housing for the interim such as Yurts, Blurts ( which is a Yurt without an indoor bathroom) used mobile homes (never say never) and used RVs. I'm wondering how much The Elder family might charge to rent us their Shasta over the winter. And of course we will consider land with farm houses that need some TLC.


Land, trees, shelter. What more do you need ? OK maybe
 few windows would be good.

We are overall very excited about out new venture but continue with business as usual. Orders are still coming in for hog and beef carcasses and new milk customers show up every week.  Hay still needs to be put up in the barn and lawns must be mowed. Our Farm Store, The Spotted Wattle is well stocked and open for business everyday except Sunday.

The more livestock, the more hay. The more hay, the more equipment
the more equipment, the more debt. We are ready for SIMPLE.
Like Forrest always said, "Simple is as simple does"

We continue to add new restaurants as we have meat available. Welcome to Autre Monde in Berwyn who will be putting our meat on their menu very soon. We told them the first time we met we were putting the farm up for sale and still they wanted to buy our meat. How great are they ?

http://timeoutchicago.com/restaurants-bars/14794563/restaurateurs-from-another-planet


So very many decisions to be made now on a daily basis. But we welcome them. For one, we decided NOT to put in a garden this year (other than a small salad garden) and instead will buy all our veggies at The Stewards of The Land Farmers Market each Saturday. We'll be gardening full time soon enough. So keep us in your prayers and on your "places to shop" list. Tell the people you know who might be interested in running a great farm with loads of work but great potential for something fantastic. We have never been able to keep up with the demand  for pasture raised, healthy, antibiotic and hormone free meat. And if you have land for sale in the Pontiac, Fairbury, Chenoa, Cullom, Forrest, Chatsworth area...(5-15 acres) CALL US !


Don't forget to check out my article this week in The Renegade Farmer http://therenegadefarmer.com/  and leave a comment on their site. The editors there work so hard to put together an excellent site for the non-traditional farmer.

Goodbye Cruel World

No worries. Not that serious. But we are saying goodbye. Not to blogging, heaven forbid. Nope. We are saying goodbye...to our farm.

WHAT ?!?!?

Its true Mon Ami, my mostest bestest man person and I have decided that things are going so well, too well in fact and we want off the Gravy Train. Oh don't be so shocked. It's not like we're planning to move to CHINA or something. Confused ? Join the pub. I'll let that soak in a minute while you gaze upon a related picture.

Shall we continue ?

OK then. Here's the rest of the story. Last week I was mowing the Never ending lawn and I realized I did not want to keep mowing the Never ending lawn. Like the big rig mama I am, I shut 'er down, walked over to Keith who was feeding hogs and said, "I'm done." He knew I was not talking about the Never rending lawn. He said, now pay attention as this is the really cool part, "Me too."

That's how the really big decisions get made here on South Pork Ranch LLC. We headed to the kitchen table where we talked quite a long time. For those of you with lives of your own I'll summarize. If you do not have a life of your own please send me $29.95 cash or check and I'll send you the entire transcript.

The big summary:
     Farm business going very well. New customers every day
     Keith and I working 80-100 hrs each , EACH week
     Can not keep up with the work. Need to hire full time employees
     We are working harder and harder and enjoying it less and less
     Instead...we want to homestead.

No, not the I have a turkey in my backyard therefore I homestead kind of homestead. We mean buy a few acres, build a tiny house, build a huge garden, raise a few animals and support ourselves DEBT FREE. We want to live off of say $5000 a year (to buy stuff like coffee)  which we would acquire through small on farm jobs like free lance writing, sales of a few head of livestock each year and dare I say it ? Soap making. We will barter for items we cannot make ourselves. We are going to sell or give away approximately 75% of our possessions in order to make this move. Are you starting to get the picture ?  We want to live off the land baby !
Our "one day" is here and now.

See that ? Way out there on the horizon ? It's our future.

But first things  first. We must put our farm, our house, our certified organic dairy, beef and pork business up for sale. We've already interviewed one realtor and we have already had one phone call from a gentlemen wanting to see the place next week. We have also seen one piece of prospective property to purchase. ONE is not a lonely number. (Quick, which sappy 70's rock band sang that tune? First one to tell me by commenting on this blog gets a FREE South Pork Ranch T-shirt. Soon to be a collectors item.) We are moving ahead and we need your help.

This is a map

Here is how. If you are a current customer of ours and you want to have these same products available to you in the future please keep buying from us. We want to sell the house, farm and business as a whole turn key certified organic operation; livestock, buildings, equipment, customer contacts and all. Prospective buyers will want to see our books, (but they can't have Angela's Ashes, its too dear) our income statements, budgets etc...They will also want to see customers coming and going. So please keep coming and going.

We will keep you up to date as this evolves. Until actual sale time it will be business as usual. This could take years . If you see us out and about please don't hesitate to ask us about our plans to sell the farm. Its not a secret.

Not anymore :)

But if you refer back to some of my posts and look a little closer you mind find that I had been leaving a few clues. http://midlifefarmwife.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-man-john.html

P.S. This is what we are hoping to buy. 5-10 acres. Part wooded, part pasture. A creek or pond would be fab. Old buildings OK but not required. Old house OK but not required. Water, electric and gas lines not needed. Secluded area off the beaten track would be ideal. No lawns need apply. MUST BE within 40 miles of Pontiac, Illinois. The GK's are far to excited about all of this to leave them behind. Wish us luck. We're going to need it.

P.S.S. As soon as all the figures are figured and the attorney gets together with the accountant and the realtor, I'll tell you all our farm and the asking price. Maybe one of you followers would like to relocate to the Prairie State. Hmmmmmm?

Evil Twin

So there I was, mowing my own business this morning when I decided to go in for a drink, HEY ! Its was hot. I deserved it. Of course have to check the email obsessive eejit I am and there right in front of me is an email from...now get this...The Farmwife at Midlife. Now come on, is this a joke ? Nope, it was not. Seems some impostor named Catherine Pond in Kentucky found my website and wanted to acknowledge her plagiarism and beg forgiveness.

I jest. Catherine was kind enough to drop me an email to say hello and tell me she liked my blog. That's when I made the mistake, BIG mistake of checking out her blog. http://farmwifeatmidlife.blogspot.com/
Imagine my horror to find, its darn right wonderful, amazing, better organized than mine and to top it off she makes her kids swim in stock water tanks just like I have.

She even likes pantries. The one thing I do not have that I lust after. Not only does she have one she wrote a book about them. Did you get that ? She wrote a book. I am trying to write a book but life keeps interfering. Well, well ,well, seems like I have some catching up to do with Miss Farmwife at Midife. She just better watch her backside, I have a very competitive nature. What I do not have is a beautiful apron.

Do you people hear me ? No pantry, no special apron. I have no business calling myself The Midlife Farmwife. I need to turn in my iron skillets.

Seriously, check her out. She looks like loads of fun.

The Number Game

I love giveaways, especially those from bloggers because they often give away the coolest stuff like handmade soap and signs ! Take a moment and visit this lady's great blog. http://sharonlovejoy.blogspot.com/  If you have a country/writer/illustrator/gardener heart you will love her.(This reminds me, I have two bars of soap to send to   bhttp://mybabyjohn.blogspot.com/   I better get crackin, I mean wrappin')

The sad thing is...I have never made a cake that looked as good
as this soap loaf.

Runaway Hides

Every time its the same thing. You birth them, you nurse them, you share your bed with them. You protect them from all harm and you give ONLY good advice. After all that what do they do ? THEY LEAVE YOU. They think they have all the answers and they just walk out the door oblivious to the sound of your heart breaking. Crrrraaaack. They make it worse by going into another animals pasture and embarrassing you with their pignanigans.

But of course, as soon as things get a little tough or a little bit scary, say maybe the donkey nips them in the arse or the big mean red-orange tractor fires up close to them....they come runnin' back to the safety of the home pasture. Right THROUGH the electric fence, that basically can't give them much of a shock anymore due to the high grass someone has not bothered to mow yet. Yes as always, it comes back around to me




Run Joey Run Joey Run Joey Run
(first one to name that tune wins two free bars of handmade soap
mailed to your home ! Yes even if you live out of the US )


Mow is me.*




The "Mow is me" phrase is copyrighted by its creator S.L. Unauthorized use of said phrase is prohibited with out appropriate fee payment. The appropriate fee payment is $50 payable by cash or check. Because S. L.is quite hermit like and prefers her privacy it is best if you send the money to me.Donna OShaughnessy 32796 E 750 N Rd  Chatsworth, Il 60921. I will forward all fees to her. Sure I will.