Just a shadow of her former self

I took my 92 year old aunt Bernie (my deceased fathers sister) to the doctor today. She had not been out of her very protected surroundings in several months. She has had many opportunities to do so, either with my sister Mary or I, or with one of the groups in her assisted living facility but she has had no real interest. She has become accustomed to her routine.

But today was a good day. Very warm (finally) and sunny, she seemed to be looking forward to the 5 minute drive over to the hospital where her Dr's office is located.

The journey may have been short but it tired her quickly. She started out walking while pushing her walker and ended up with me pushing her back out of the hospital while she sat in her walker. (One of those cool walkers with a seat built in...BRILLIANT. She was so tired by the time we drove back to her place that I had to lift her legs out of my car. Yes, I took the rest of her as well, not just her legs, why do you people ask such silly things ?

When I got her back upstairs and settled in her recliner for a nap she told me, "I'd be dead if it wasn't for you." I smiled lamely at her when she continued sarcastically, "Thanks a lot !" Implying death might not be so bad at this point. We giggled and I understood. Well I tried to understand. In her eyes, even at 52,  I am a youthful, healthy, vibrant woman full of energy with her whole life ahead of her, while she is worn out and worn down. She often wonders out loud why God has not taken her yet.

I am unable to answer that question, but I am grateful and appreciative of the time we have together. She is the last link to my parents and I will miss her terribly when she is gone.

I am selfish that way.