Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Intro to Naked Dance or Origins of Oompa Loompa's ? Decisions, Decisions.




Tomorrow I venture 60 miles south to the land of higher education and attempt to look only half as stupid as I am.

It's time to register for my fall classes at the University of Illinois and I am clueless.
Less than clueless.
In fact, I at this moment have less clues than our current president.

Now THAT is clueless.

I have completed all the on-line "homework" and created the endless passwords needed to access the endless websites in regards to financial aide, payment options (like paying for university is optional), housing (no, thank you...I already have a bed...and a roommate) and language placement tests.

Speaking of which, my French is very rusty being, EVEN THOUGH I HAD 6 YEARS  as I last took a class with Mr. Pinot G. back in 1976, so it's unlikely I'll place any higher than my 9 year old granddaughter in that arena. Well, I do remember that psycho French song about the boy cutting up a chicken piece by piece but I bet that won't help my case.

I have also planned to leave at least two hours too early so I don't get lost or show up late but mostly so I can find a coffee shop and inhale my usual pot of java before I have to again admit I am two and in some cases, three times as old as the other undergrads.

But still I am clueless about what classes I need to take since I've not yet had a clear answer about which of my former classes taken back in prehistoric times, will actually equate to a similar class at U of I. So, there is a good possibility my general education requirements will be met...or they will not and I'll have 60 credits (thank you Black Hills State College, Spearfish, South Dakota)  to use towards "electives."

If that happens I'll be stripped of the joy of choosing between classes like Intro to Naked Dance, generally what happens when I get out of the shower, lose my balance pulling on my grandma underwear and struggle not to hit my head on the toilet...again, or Origins of The Oompa Loompas which would only be fun if Gene Wilder himself taught the class. Yeah, I know, I miss Gilda too.

Regardless, I am placing myself at the mercy of my academic advisor. I am sure she will only advise me to take classes that will meet the requirements of my Creative Writing major while providing me with a most well rounded education. I am equally sure all my classes will fit in perfectly with my personal life of full time farmwife, mother, grandmother, free-lance writer and struggling novelist and crappy horsewoman.  I am even more sure all my classes will be located closely to each other so I won't huff and puff and lie down for a nap as I enter each lecture hall.

If not, at least she can point me back to that coffee shop I was in. I think I left all my registration paperwork on the counter between the eclairs and the croissants. Hey, look at that...I remembered more French!

17 comments:

  1. That takes me back to my own first days at college; a mixture of fear and excitement.

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    1. For years I dreamed of being late to class, missing class, going to the wrong class even AFTER I successfully graduated from Nursing School. And yet I am going back. What an eejit I am.

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  2. My experience is academic advisers are not to be trusted and ALWAYS double check everything with financial aid. They don't care if academic advising gave you bad information. Have fun! No really, have fun, school is exciting.

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  3. From one old student to another you will rock. Remember your roll will change when you arrive on campus, you will be in lecture and they will talk about an event, and the students will look at you and say, "Really? You were there. Wow". So remember the following you are not old you are "classic". It going to be the time of your life, finish the journey you started so long ago!!!
    ~ Maggie

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    1. Even better, she is RETRO!

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    2. Classically Retro...love that. So much better than "non-traditional"

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  4. Donna you have such a talent for making me laugh. I wish you well with your studies but even more i cant wait for your hilarious take on student life. Its going to be a blast. Hey, there is a potential book for you to write. Id buy it.

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    1. Oh Lynda...thanks. I actually changed clothes twice yesterday wanting to look serious and motivated but not to conventional or stodgy. Then I passed a student wearing HOT PANTS with a large portion of her butt cheeks winking at me as she strolled by and I realized I COULD WEAR ANYTHING I WANTED AND NO ONE WOULD NOTICE!!!

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  5. I stopped spending money on classes after finally realizing that many professors are like our president, they have never had any real work experience and are clueless about how things really work. It is a lot like the wizard of oz, some wizard who doesn't know a whole lot giving you a diploma to show you have a brain. Just remember you have probably experienced more than all the wizards.

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    1. Professor Wizard...like that. Can't wait to pull back a few curtains. I have noticed an extreme left sided slight to the class descriptions, one discussed the "phallocentric " community we live in. Made me laugh thinking of all those penises, AKA talking heads, controlling all us poor downtrodden women.

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  6. Donna all journeys begin with one step, take a leap and enjoy the trip! This can't be any harder than anything else you have taken on and mastered. French eclairs and coffee now that is my idea of a perfect way to enjoy language class.

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    1. Thanks Martha. I had a blast yesterday picking my classes, watching the young folk on the quad, eating in one of the dining halls, this is one journey I have been packing for, for quite a while. Seems every time I decide to simplify my life, I add something else to fill the time. I may be technically a senior but no one can call me wise. Not yet :)

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  7. I think I'm glad I read this~ not so sure about the naked dancing visual you painted that will haunt me for quite some time, but the giggles were worth it:) You go girl! You're living the dream!

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    1. Hey there T. ! You are worried about that small visual?!? You should see the group of elderly ladies I swim with three times a week. They shower naked like it's their life's ambition. They don't care who sees what jiggling part or how often. They are the definition of brave and I can't wait to be that free. Although I'm sure my public can wait forever.

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  8. You can do it, Donna. I enrolled in several classes on KSU a couple years ago. I was maybe FOUR times older than anyone else in there and it was surprising how much a lifetime of practical experiences give you a real edge in creative classes like writing and philosophy. I didn't just learn. I contributed! You're going to have a blast. Cheers.

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