About 4 years ago when grand daughter Allana was just beginning to put sentences together, she and I took a different route home to her mothers. I was in the mood for a change so I took the winding road home along the river just outside of Pontiac ,Illinois. As we traveled, Allana suddenly yelled from the car seat , "Yaya !
Air R E ? " This was toddler talk for "Where are we ?"
That phrase is echoing in my head this am (and when added to all the other voices in that cranium of mine it makes it hard to hear the phone ringing some days. And you people thought I did not answer the phone because I was so busy. )
"Where are we ?" Meaning what do I do today ? Before, I would cram it all into the week as I worked all weekend nights and slept all day Saturday and Sunday and needed Mondays to recover but now I have a different schedule. "Retired" but only as a nurse. I feel odd ( so what else is new?), disoriented (again, how is this different ? ) It is, I tell you. Its all different. I've always brought steady money into the house and if we had an extra need on the farm I just worked an extra shift at the hospital, it was that easy. But now I have to put my money where my mouth is . Like there is room in my gob with all the Captain Crunch thats been shoved in there lately. Anxiety munching is the technical term. Of course its Organic Captain Crunch ! I'm insulted you would even ask.
Back to the main topic. Confusion. Like a piglet in high grass, I am uncertain of my direction.
How much time do I spend writing ? farming ? houseworking ? with family ? at church ? marketing, packaging and peddling meat ? riding ? posting invoices ? invoicing post-its ? Finally after years of thinking about being home full time, I am. So why I am having such a hard time leaving my kitchen table this morning when there is so much to be done ?
Oh good. The grandson has arrived. My focus has returneth.