Midlife Farmwife Summer Apparel Warning Key

Example of Code Green Apparel

After a lovely July where temps only occasionally got above 80 and most every night was cool and perfect, we find ourselves heading into August.

I think the party is over. Today it was quite warm, nearly hot and with virtually no breeze this Midlife Farmwife found herself shedding clothes. In order to protect those with delicate eyes, weak constitutions and/or children I am presenting for the first time.

The Midlife Farmwife Summer Apparel Warning Key

     Code Green...All is well. Weather is perfect and Farmwife is appropriately dressed.
     Code Blue.....All is still well because it's cold outside. No way any skin is showing.
     Code Yellow...Caution ahead. Sun is heating up. Legs and arms might be bared.
     Code Orange...It's over 80. Shorts in place. Tank Top mandatory. Flapping arm tissue may
                             cause eye injuries. Keep your distance.
     Code Red.. It's over 90 degrees outside .Farmwife might only be dressed  in old lady swimsuit.                                   Large amounts of skin exposed Visitors should wear sunglasses
                             and/or blinders and will be required to sign liability waiver.
     Code Purple...It's over 100 degrees. MAY DAY...MAYDAY  Farmwife may not be dressed at all.
                            If she is it will be in paper napkins. As she could spontaneously combust it would
                            best to reschedule your farm visit for 2015.


From time to time when I am feeling charitable and wish to provide sufficient warning I will post this key here on my blog and perhaps even on Facebook. Be aware though, if I am really hot and crabby I may not give two cents about warning anybody (too busy taking my fourth shower of the day...outside... with the pigs.) It is best to understand...you are visiting our farm at your own risk.

Please once again refer to the above warning scale. I suggest you memorize it.

 

If it's Not One Thing, It's an Udder.

 

 

 

 

The life of a cow here is pretty sweet. Lots of room to roam, plenty of lovely pasture, and you only have to show up to work twice a day for about 20 mins at a time. Yeah it's all fun and games until some clod steps on your privates.

And when they damage your sargeants and your generals as well then it's hardly worth getting yourself upright and into the parlor for a round of equally uncomfortable treatments but our cow Mindy was a trooper recently.

Keith noticed an odd occurrance when milking her yesterday. He put on the four inflations, one to each teat and then, big surprise, milk starts pouring out of the TOP of her teat. Hmmmm, that can't be good.

A quick call to our amazing vet Al Whitman in Piper City, Il and soon enough Mindy is taken care of and Keith and I are even more educated about the bovine we care for. We were offered the option of a referral to the large vet clinic at the University Of Illinois but we opted for Home Care. We knew once in a large vet setting our animal would be more stressed (it's about an hour from our home) and she most likely would be treated with antibiotics which would negate her organic status.

So we kept her here understanding she might not gain function of the teat but since the injury was not life threatening and her immune system strong we felt confident she would heal well on her own. Although originally we thought the injury may have been an accidental horn goring from one of our other cows, doc thought it looked more like a hoof injury. When Mindy was lying down some other big fat cow probably stepped on her upper teat.

For now we do not know if the injury was pre-planned or truly a case of one cow just getting into anothers personal space. The investigation continues but most of the girls are being quiet about the whole deal.

Suffice it to say, Mindy is the new cow in the milking herd group, just having had her first calf a few days ago and inappropriate herd hazing is a strong possibility. Please note the administration of South Pork Ranch does not condone this behavior but we cannot be everywhere all the time now can we?

 Mindy was a real trooper through it all.  She allowed, with no fuss at all, our vet to give her a sedative and a local to numb the area. After a little bit he then oh so delicately stitched closed the wound while our GK's watched and provide emotional support to the patient.

 Mindy "danced" a little but no kick, no struggle. Six stiches later she was allowed to rest and enjoy the remainder of her sedative. We did milk her that evening as letting the milk build up in that quarter would've caused her more pain and possibly mastitis. Her milk will be separated from the rest of the tank until she is better healed.

We were told there was only a 50/50 chance that the teat would function properly so we made the decision right then we would take Mindy with us when we move to the Poor Farm. Her possible new status as a "three titter," as my husband so classily referred to her, would work just fine to meet our future milk needs at our littler farm of the future. We have also come to admire her very calm nature, even when she is not sedated!

So ladies remember. Never jump up suddenly without checking first to see that some fat cow is not standing on your mammary system.

Pork Rub

 

Yeah, you're thinking BBQ sauce but you're a bit premature. I'm talking about Diatomaceous Earth, the wonder powder we like to rub on our pigs (cats, dogs, calves but I can never get the peacocks to sit still long enough.)

If you are not familiar with Diatomaceous earth or DE, it is a very fine white powder made up of the fossilized remains of diatoms, a type of hard-shelled algae which was discovered in Germany in 1837.  It is used to control parasites (mechanical insecticide) in animals along with about 100 other uses such as  a filtration aid, a mild abrasive in toothpaste, absorbent in liquids, reinforcing filler in plastics and rubber, ingredient in cat litter, activator in blood clotting studies etc..

The powder which consists of all these microscopic bits of dead diatoms (ANOTHER great name for a band "The Dead Diatoms") is lethal to parasites, worms, bedbugs, cockroach, ants, fleas and what we see sometimes in our hogs...lice.  The fine powder absorbs lipids from the waxy outer layer of insects' exoskeletons, causing them to dehydrate and die. It can be used on animals both internally and externally. Because DE is considered natural it is approved for use by the National Organic Program .

Although you can use your bare hands to spread the powder, our skin is too tough for the little dead diatoms to injure, I like to use a thick sock.

I don't lose as much of the powder to the wind that way. And because our pigs have mud holes which means dried mud on their bods, the sock keeps my paws cleaner as well. I'll grab a handful of DE and rub it on our breeder hogs who because they stay with us several years tend to attract the external parasites. A favorite spot for flies and lice to lay their eggs on hogs is right behind the ear.

For extra measure and to take care of any internals parasites we also shake some of the powder in our animals bedding and in their feed. When coupled with powdered garlic, also added to feed rations we are able to control parasites without using any chemicals.

Saponification Sunday...It's About Time!

 

It's not that I don't make soap anymore, I do.
It's not that I don't want to continue Saponification Sunday, I do.
It's not that I don't want to share all the excitement that revolves around mystical magical lye, I do.
It's just THERE'S NO FREAKIN' TIME!!!!

Was I yelling? I didn't mean to yell.
It's late, I'm tired, but don't you worry. I have soap pictures, yes I do.

Charcoal was the drug of choice this week. Nice black, finely powdered, charcoal. I love coloring my soap with this stuff even though it can be messy. I feel it is worth the black lung you'll invariably concoct at the end of your saponification session.

I used to keep mine in a little baggy but I always felt guilty when I store anything powdered in a baggy and spent too much time looking out the window for Big Brother so instead I store my charcoal in a glass spice bottle with a shaker top which works much better anyway.  I generally add my charcoal to some of the olive oil from my soap recipe and then add it back to the traced soap I want to color.

For this bar I used just about  a 1/4 tsp to my main two pound soap batch to get that blue-grey color and then about 1 tsp to the smaller amount of soap I used to make the darker swirls. These swirls were a combination of in the pot as well as in the mold. I believe I even added and swirled some of the black soap into the pot WHILE I was pouring it into the mold.

Which is why when folks ask me to recreate a soap they liked I generally just look at them in a dull-witted way. I'm not one for repeating soap recipes 'cause I'm not one for remembering soap recipes.

Yes, I am aware there is such a thing as a pen and paper. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

This particular soap looks great wet. All sleek and shiny like a seal in Galway Bay I might say. It is scented with pure Eucalyptus Essential Oil.

I think it also looks nice on our bathroom sink just in front of the crazy faucets from IKEA no one wanted me to buy cause they had never seen such an odd design and besides everyone knows IKEA makes cheap crud and the stuff never lasts but I ignored them and I bought the faucets and they are still working five years later, so there.

Farm Sale Update...To Jinx or Not to Jinx

South Pork Ranch Banner
Inventory item #45

Well folks...as of this am, we have an offer.
It's a nice offer, not too low, not too high (is there such a thing?)

But of course attorneys must be involved, contingencies must be written, inventory must be finalized ,yes they would like the calf hutches, but no they do not need the livestock trailer, that kind of stuff.

Details, details and more details.

So we must wait for financing to be approved and attorneys to return from vacations (the nerve!) We must put serious thought into the possibility that if all goes through we may be moving in a short amount of time. Do you all have the slightest inkling of what this all means?

It means we may be getting what we asked for, a very simple life, on a very simple piece of land to be run by (wait for it) a couple of simpletons. Good thing we actually planted a garden this year and even better that I got over my inane fear of pressure canners and started putting up the food we'll need to survive.

Including 7 pounds of cabbage soaking in brine as I write, since I decided no decent homestead should be without homemade sauerkraut. If it fails I plan to consume it as cabbage wine, I'm not about to throw out several hours of work you know. Who else wants a glass?

So we wait and watch the wheels of Real Estate Purchase Contracts turn at a slower rate than we would like while feeling it's all spinning faster than we'll be able to keep up. We'll need to seriously downsize our belongings due to the tiny detail we have no new house to move into. Will we buy a trailer? Move a barn onto the property and build a small apartment in between the cow and pig stalls? Or will we try to build a tire house in the few short months we'll have before winter?

I am not kidding about the tire house.

Will we have a big garage sale or just donate all the extra stuff?
Will we buy a yurt to live in just for this fall and winter?
Will we get tired of going in circles if we live in a yurt?
Will there be enough $ left over to homestead full time?
Will we get tired of eating all that sauerkraut?
Will I remember to go to school?

SCHOOL?!? Whose bleepin' idea was it to return to college anyway?

We are excited and scared witless. What if the offer is withdrawn? But more importantly,what if it isn't and this really is the beginning of that last great chapter of our lives?

Prince Farming Finds his Hidden Treasure

 

 

 

We've been married 21 years and I'll admit I have not always been supportive of Keith's need to hang on to junk, I mean inventory.

And over the years we've had a few discussions about inventory control. like the need (I believed) to keep a dumpster on the farm being as reliable daily garbage pickup in our area is non-existent. It took almost 15 years to win that battle. In Keiths defense he did do a great job of collecting cans and steel, as well as burning 99% of all our trash.

But still it was difficult for me to see items of non-use piled up around the farm. We found more compromises though, like the one where I said I'd be in charge of the yard around the farmhouse and he could be in charge of the land around the barns.

Then I came home full time and crossed the boundary, literally. Oppps. Fortunately I am married to a man who forgives easily and even more fortunately as I work at the farm fulltime now instead of just visiting on my days off from RN duty, I have come to see the reason for keeping so much inventory.

Sometimes you just might need it.

This week, Keith outdid himself in the recycling/inventory reinvention department, and if awards were given for this skill he would deserve it most.

When we bought The Poor Farm last August, there was a decades old, totally collapsed barn on the property. Many of us, myself included thought we should torch the building's remains and put it out of our misery. But Keith and son Jason thought it best to go through all that rotting wood piece by piece. Why? Because who knew what treasure they might find underneath?

This spring and summer they did just that and sure enough at the bottom of that collapsed barn under tons of wood beams and walls they found this:

A hay conveyer. Circa 1970?

For you city folk, this is a device that will move bales of hay and straw from point A (usually the hay rack) to point B (usually the hay loft in the barn.)

Of course it was rusty and slightly bent at the top, probably from when the barn crashed down on it but Keith saw a real diamond in this hunk of flaking metal and he rescued her from her oppressive grave.












Loading her onto the back of our livestock trailer he covered her with grease to get her worn parts moving again. He added a motor, (from an old goat milker he'd been holding onto for over a decade) a new chain and in just a couple hours...

She was back doing what she was born to do.





Making the farmer and his helper's job, (Thanks so much Aaron Stoll) a little easier.

So even though I am not always pleased about our collection of inventory, it is reassuring to know that when my parts get rusty, my original paint job goes flakey, and my top gets bent out of alignment, my husband will do all he can to save me from the rubble pile and keep me in good working order.

That's a good thing, right?

Money Laundering Day

After deep cleaning several rooms in this 120 year old farmhouse (the mold in my shower had evolved into a lovely hunk of Brie), feeding the pigs, mowing for two hours, riding my new bike in 90 degree heat (cause I'm a  bafoon that's why) and weeding the garden I am too tired to give you anything more than cheap humor.

Tomorrow, should be better.