Cream of Udder

This picture has nothing to do with today's blog. I took it last week.
I was too lazy to go to the barn and take an udder picture.
Get it ? An Udder Picture ? Like another picture ?
Oh go to bed.

Not unlike the House of Usher, Cream of Udder is also a bit scary. So yes of course I will explain. If you know my husband Keith (this is a rhetorical question, put your hand down) you know he is a man of few demands. So a few days ago when he asked me if I thought I would be able to MAKE our own udder balm for the cows chapped teats, yes that's what I said, chapped teats, its a farm term people...You know these blogs would not be half as long as they are if you numrockets would stay focused...As I was blogging, he asked about making udder balm.

As a totally experienced soap maker (4 months and only half my batches have failed) I was up for the challenge. He asked me again a couple of days ago. Sure, sure I said. Then again yesterday. I'm telling you he may look all mild mannered but he is relentless when it comes to chapped teats.

Stop it.

So I sent him to the barn for the near empty container of Udder Fancy  made by Crystal Creek, an organic product for our certified organic cows.

 "You look udderly fancy Marabella "
 "No, YOU look udderly fancy Moolina"
No, YOU do"
No YOU do"

The ingredient list was very similar to the soap supplies I had in my cupboard. Except for the Sunflower Oil, the Jojoba Oil, the Peanut Oil, the Glycerin, the Cedar wood Oil, the Lemon oil, the Peppermint Oil, The Clove oil, the Comfrey Extract and the Vitamins A, E and D, well I had it all. Basically I had the Canola oil, the Palm oil and the Coconut Oil and the Tea Tree Oil. So I substituted the finest fat in the world, a little Red Wattle Lard, yes it is certified organic.

Now the missing ingredient in the list above was Beeswax. We had that. A whole big bucket of that. Wax mixed with honey mixed with a few, OK, many bee parts. I asked Keith how to clean it up and he said, and I quote, "Just heat it and all the wax will rise to the top "

Funny guy.

I heated and it bubbled and turned into a huge brown mess. I tried to scoop some wax off the top but it kept getting all mixed back in with the Slum gum (a real word. Google it) I heated and scooped. What a mess ! I went to google myself.

I said STOP IT!

I went to Google and looked it up. Seems you are supposed to add a LARGE amount of water to the mix, boil it all, LET IT COOL and then the wax will separate.  Then just a good bottle of shampoo you must, repeat, and repeat again. About this time my husband suggested I might want to use a bigger pan for this process. He has No idea how close he was to having HIS.....nevermind.

Slowly I was able to get the 5 dinky ounces of wax clean enough to throw in with the rest of my Udder Rancy cause the whole globby pan of honey flavored swamp water was looking pretty brown. Those darn bee legs just don't want to break loose from their wax !!!!

After four hours I said good enough. I sloshed enough Tea Tree Oil in it you could smell it all the way into the Chatsworth American Legion and set it aside to solidify. Criminy. The things I do to save a buck these "self-sufficient" days.